Angels

I don't know whether or not one should try to avoid falling for angels for they are prone to flying.

I've lost connectivity with two angels in the recently-seeming not so recent past.  Life's been a blur as of late.  I'm surprised I'm here still.  One angel was my brother, and I want to cry out loud right now so badly but I would awaken the entire house...  There truly was no worse way to smite me than by taking away such a wonderful person from the life of mine and MANY others.

The other angel has shared in the loss of my brother.  A drifter at heart, I know I cannot and should not even try to impede on her travels on this plane.

This makes me question the value of knowing exceptional people.  I've been told I'm exceptional in various ways, but I tend to forget it at times in which are most important for me to remember.  Losing exceptional people that are CLOSE to you is exceptionally difficult.

I'm not entirely the victim in this scenario.  I have my vices.  I wish nothing but the best for those I love.  The prospect of losing the second mentioned angel seems insurmountable, but I guess having survived the loss of the first mentioned angel proves I can withstand almost anything.

Today has shaken me to my very core and figuratively put everything on the table.  I'm unsure as to whether or not that's good or bad and perhaps all the ambiguity is for the best.

I feel better having expressed myself; advice from one of the aforementioned angels.  I guarantee there will be less angst-filled posts in the future.  I feel like I've reached a turning point.  I'm not one to do things without a purpose, including writing a blog post.

I'll see you guys around.

U-shaped hole

There's a U-shaped hole in my heart.

Not a clue

I'm just gonna say, I really don't like giving a journal entry a title. It distracts from the creative process. "What is it you just wrote about even though you... haven't written anything yet...?"

Losing

I'm losing what I never thought could be lost.
Now everything reminds me of it.
Competing leaves you vulnerable.
Is my logic flawed?
Should competing be the thing to do when I have reached bleeding's peak?
It doesn't make sense.
But that's love I guess.
I thought the sharp pains that it could inflict were behind me, in my teenage years.
The rude awakening is that no.
No, it's not behind me.
It could surround me if I let it.

The scary thing is that which is all in the head has become my archrival.
My own mind has been my sole source of progress and hindrance.
Lately, the hindrances seem to have multiplied.
But, through some combination of cerebral chemistry,
I will have to solve this puzzle.
And keep myself from hindering myself anymore.

I cannot deny one happiness due to the incompatibilities with me therein.
Even if I think and FEEL TO KNOW that we would be perfect.
I've been thrown from my comfortable post of many years.
On high, never fearing the height of it all.
But, now, I've come to realize I face a freefall.
The past days have unveiled its acceleration.
To where it's heading, I am unsure.
That's the part that hurts... I just don't know.

If you know me, you know I like to know.
You know?
I don't take comfort with pressing a foot on one side and not knowing what it will do to the other.
There's no clear plan of action, though, either;
As I don't know what anything will result in.
This is new ground, but I don't feel like retreating anymore.
I know what that brings and it is really not good for anyone.

I miss things, times, and places.
I really do right now.
My only rational hope is that it becomes easier.

Facebook DNS failure

I wonder what this means? I really want to update my status on Facebook laughing at the DNS failure. Some people think it's being DDOS (distributed denial-of-service) attacked. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial-of-service_attack#Distributed_attack

I hope it's not all erased, though. I would think a backup of all of Facebook isn't a real-time thing.

Anatomeeeeeeeeee

Gah, this anatomy course is so foreign to my brain. It's just looking and memorizing. It takes... eek gad... time! There is some logic, though. Yay for Latin. My head hurts after studying the internal anatomy of the lamprey (which is one weird mofo) and I've got 4 other specimens to go; internal and external. Blah!

Look who it is

Well, it's Thursday evening. I'm sitting at work until midnight with only one class tomorrow. I didn't switch my books out before I left, so I have nothing to do for class, but I thought I'd do something kind of more productive than nodding off to sleep while playing on Facebook.

To get a minor in Math, I took these two classes; The History of Mathematics and Real Analysis I. History of Math is sweet; going from crude, ancient methods to modern ones. Real Analysis is really dry. Proofs, blah! "Prove that the square root of 7 is not a rational number." The word
'analysis' tricked me into thinking it was going to be more fun. I guess I'll read the course descriptions next time?

I thought I'd be swimming in that student loan cash by now, but things have been taking forever this time around. The Bursar's Office says it should be in my account by tomorrow, so I've got my fingers crossed. I've been broke since Spring Break hah, so it's not that big of a deal. I'm glad that the utility company understands, haha.

I'll be done with my degree after this semester. I'm gonna end up with a major in Biology, and two minors in Political Science and Mathematics. Shaaaa! I think of it as a math-science-english triple-whammy (to make myself feel better, heh). Since I took too long to file my intent to graduate, I'll have to stick around another semester before I actually get my piece of paper. It's kind of better this way, so it won't be a lie when I say I have 1 year of management experience.