Losing

I'm losing what I never thought could be lost.
Now everything reminds me of it.
Competing leaves you vulnerable.
Is my logic flawed?
Should competing be the thing to do when I have reached bleeding's peak?
It doesn't make sense.
But that's love I guess.
I thought the sharp pains that it could inflict were behind me, in my teenage years.
The rude awakening is that no.
No, it's not behind me.
It could surround me if I let it.

The scary thing is that which is all in the head has become my archrival.
My own mind has been my sole source of progress and hindrance.
Lately, the hindrances seem to have multiplied.
But, through some combination of cerebral chemistry,
I will have to solve this puzzle.
And keep myself from hindering myself anymore.

I cannot deny one happiness due to the incompatibilities with me therein.
Even if I think and FEEL TO KNOW that we would be perfect.
I've been thrown from my comfortable post of many years.
On high, never fearing the height of it all.
But, now, I've come to realize I face a freefall.
The past days have unveiled its acceleration.
To where it's heading, I am unsure.
That's the part that hurts... I just don't know.

If you know me, you know I like to know.
You know?
I don't take comfort with pressing a foot on one side and not knowing what it will do to the other.
There's no clear plan of action, though, either;
As I don't know what anything will result in.
This is new ground, but I don't feel like retreating anymore.
I know what that brings and it is really not good for anyone.

I miss things, times, and places.
I really do right now.
My only rational hope is that it becomes easier.