Change

Damn Jeremy, quit being a lazy asshole and get to studying.

Stocks

Oi! So, since I've invested $400 into my Ameritrade.com account, I've lost $52.19 mostly because of investing in Whole Foods (WFMI) too early. They hit a record low of 9.91 earlier in the week that I bought some stock in it, so I felt it would do nothing but go up. Nope. Today it closed at a new low of 8.78! I bought it at 10.65! That's about a 17.5% loss! It's upsetting of course, but what I hate most is that I could have waited and bought it at this 8.78 price. I guess it could still go down, and who am I to say that it won't but hey, at least I wouldn't be losing as much money. Luckily, I invested a little in Ford (F) which has only lost me 4.6%. The stocks will go up, this is a time of crisis. I don't care about them hurrying about going up in price, I just down want them to sink much lower so all this "coulda woulda shoulda" would stop!

I'm thinking about finding a very detailed book that gives a good view of the global elite.  In times like these, it is obvious how economically inter-connected the world is, America being the epicenter, because of how much our mortgage crisis domino effect of fear has sent the world on one wild ride.  What are the motivations and the spending habits of the super-wealthy?  I don't mean Snoop Dogg; we know his money's going to Patron, the best marie-jane, and rottweiler training instructional videos.

Really, though, by looking at the facts, the richest people in the world live in America, many are 1st or 2nd-generation Americans, so obviously there is going to be much interest vested into their other home (physically, familial, spiritual even).  America, always touted as the superpower yada yada, naturally has more money than everyone else (GDP).  Funny though, we're also the poorest nation if you want to be a spoiler and mention the national debt of $10+ trillion.  Yeah, 10,000 billion dollars.  Let's see, that increases our national debt to about $11 trillion (or 11,000 billion dollars) with this corporate bailout crap going on.  

Think about this bailout and the precedent that it is setting or example that it is making.  CEO's are the guys that always win when you're competing in some way.  They were the kids that had the paper route at 10 years old, a savings account by 11, and mowed the neighborhood lawns.  Ah yes and you hate when someone compares you to them (damn you parents for trying to encourage hard work to generation x and y!).  Yes, it's a different world nowadays, I'm not really sure if kids can do paper routes and your parents risk being sued if you run into one of your neighbor's lawn gnomes, so the same type of mentality does not work the same anymore though being gung-ho does.  

Anyways, this bailout favored a select group of people (stockholders in mortgage companies) to a large extent with money from the general population.  That is earmarking, which does not make it bad, but earmarking is supposed to microscopically redistribute the wealth so that the public museum doesn't shut down, the parks are still parks, and so communities can feel a little better and not have to get mad at so and so about such things.  The bailout gave $250 billion for Paulson to use, $100 billion more if the president agrees, and $350 billion reserved for if Congress can agree on how to use it.  It's not that I disagree completely with the bailout as it does have terms for reductions in CEO pay and some other good points.  Yes, mortgage companies need to be stable for most other companies (especially small businesses) to grow or stay open, so the bailout was needed, but it still is likely to have some terrible consequences.  Ford and other big companies need major help because of the mortgage companies' mistakes, but it is going to be a lot harder for Congress to agree upon how to divide their $350 billion stake since everyone's freaking out and talking about how we never should have had a bailout in the first place.  This will likely make Congress more hesitant to give a company money because they won't get that majority vote without each one of the Congressman's favorite company to get a slice of the pie.  As the media was quick to point out, the bailout did not mandate that Congress give money to help with this foreclosure mess a.k.a. "redistribution of the land."  The bill (made BY Congress mind you) assumes that Congress knows it will do what is right with its $350 billion expense account.  

Though it was set up poorly, it SEEMS like it might play out better than we would expect.  Obama has indicated that he will use what funds he has available to stabilize the foreclosures to buy time for the market to stabilize and people to get jobs.

Well, I'm gonna go take a nap with my lady.

Bill Maher

I realize he does it for attention, but it really works.  Bill Maher is really getting on my nerves with his pieces on religion.  He should focus on the fundamentalists.  They are the irrationalists.  He states "Either you're a rationalist or you're not a rationalist."  Sitting so smug, priding himself and his fellow "atheists" and agnostics on how "rational" they are.  The truth is that there is no answer to the questions of religion, so it is rational to have faith and it is rational to not have faith.  There is no clear winner to this argument, and I hate that this man acts like he innocently just wants to know more about why people act the way they do concerning religion.  He's not just a curious little boy, he's simply putting down religious people all the time and it is not a good thing.  He always tells of how destructive religion is while his show and its influence are pretty destructive in their delivery.  He is hypocritical, and I just don't think it's cute anymore.

Feelin' good

Oh man, I just ran for an hour at the gym. It was cool. Thankfully, I brought my iPod Touch with me because it was deathly quiet when I entered. I listened to some Flaming Lips, Metallica, and some Red Hot Chili Peppers. After the run, I felt like my thighs were going to explode, but after showering and driving to the Central parking lot, I felt... high! It's sweet. I feel so comfortable and at ease and guilt-free because I'm not on anything. I definitely need to make this a regular part of my week. I'm thinking Saturdays, Mondays, and Wednesdays; rest on Fridays. Kinda sleepy now, actually.

I'm not pro-Obama, but that's easy because he doesn't disclose much as far as planning goes; which leads me to wonder how people are so against something that... isn't even formulated. I do think McCain would be so much better than Bush that it's not even funny, but he's just not going to get elected; especially with all the new Sarah Palin stuff. I mean banning books was one of her first moves as a mayor??
I think Bush has shown that the system whereby the vice president is the brains and the president is the charmer works. I think Biden has a better head on his shoulders than Palin has on hers. McCain might do a good job and yada yada, but a lot of what happens in this world is a result of perception. The non-US world will perceive McCain as a war-hungry president and not want to enter into any type of treaty that would leave them liable or vulnerable to the US. The world would continue to grow as it is now... without the US and do just fine. That would be good for them, but it would be hell for us. We're the country with the largest debt, yet still the most "powerful" country on earth. Why? Because we basically set-up the world's economic platforms right after World War II. Everything major went through us until now.

Awesome; the 2008 CIA Factbook is out.

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/

Iran's median age (pretty much the average age) is 26.4 years old. That is freaking young! That place must would be fun to visit, assuming you die. U.S. median age is 36.7. So, we are about 10 years older on average, making them that much more volatile and stubborn. WAIT, Iraq's median is 20.2 years! Also, Iran and Iraq have about the same life expentancy; about 70 years. Perhaps a democracy in Iran would have been the better way to go before the disaster in Iraq.

How many 20.2 year-olds that you know would say.... give up their favorite table at their favorite restaurant to a bunch of rich foreigners. They make their way in and start to critique even your food, telling you that you could have it so much better; "Here's some of our food. Would you like some? No? Well, I'm sorry I asked because you're going to have to eat it." A fight breaks out. 12 Iraqs die for every one US death.

You see, America is promoting democracy through pseudo-imperialism. It is very hard to do this in a world so well-connected and well-informed. Maybe we should have imagined WMDs in Iran instead of Iraq. Perhaps they would have been more manageable and then we could have taken Iraq 10 or 20 years later. Not that I would want that, but it'd been better than the way things are now. Now, I swim.

Woooo. I closed the deli Friday night, went to a co-worker's husband's birthday party until 3 am, went to sleep at 4 am, then woke up at 6 am to open the deli and work until 3 pm. Have I mentioned that the deli is huge and takes forever to open/close. Then I came home and helped Kacie watch Jayden (almost 3) and Natalia (4). I was basically deliriously tired all day yesterday and ended up eating too much pizza and then got really nauseous/dizzy. I guess my immune system is getting taxed pretty hard these days because I never get nauseous; and I stuff myself quite often hah.

Watching this FOX News interview with Sen. Bayh and Sen. Lieberman. So, Lieberman is now an independent Democrat and is supporting McCain for president. This was confusing and started making me rethink my decision, but then I remembered I was watching FOX News and am aware of their abilities to sway opinions, clip audio, and strategically (as of late) having many "independents", NPR journalists and so on. They do this to make you think that they are giving you the full spectrum of opinions, when really you're just getting this wide spectrum of affiliations that is illusively looks like the full spectrum. They aren't full of hate anymore, but I'm not going to fall for it. Geez and now Bush is indirectly looking like an Obama supporter, thus distancing himself from McCain, thus allowing people to re-think McCain as a Bush clone and allow him to get more swing votes. Welp, I'm gonna go swim.

So I've read so many raving reviews about The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger's amazing performance of really portraying a true madman, and it makes me wonder if he killed himself to go out with a bang because he knew how good this movie was going to be. I haven't read up on the stuff leading to his death, so I'm just kind of thinking out loud. Maybe he was on some really crazy drugs during the filming and really was borderline madman himself. Nonetheless, I now really cannot wait to see it.

ireibjhfdj

I got to help do inventory tonight at Wild Oats. It was alright; there sure are some goofy (in a good way) people that work there. So, after that I decided to check out the Kroger that's next to Wild Oats / Paradiso and I was amazed. That place is HUGE! They also have a lot of the same stuff that Wild Oats has, so it might become my new place to load up on goodies. Sleepy time. Double tomorrow.

Jeez... I have to think of another title?

Contrary to the trend made by my two previous posts, I still very much enjoy living at Audubon Downs. I also still think Tigger could be an alright guy if he would learn to see things from another person's point of view. He really needs to relax and quit taking out his anger in the form of passive-aggression. If he would find a job or something, maybe that would help him fill his day and not be so hyper-vigilant / paranoid / anal. He should consider himself VERY lucky that he is not in jail or having to pay for a lawyer or having to pay court fees or having to list ASSAULTING A MINOR on his job or security clearance applications for the rest of his life. The moron is so lucky, but he chooses to snag up the first opportunity to be vaguely justified in being an asshole to ONE of the SIX people that told the police the story of that he was the aggressor towards the minor at the pool. Looking at it this way, it only strengthens my argument that Tigger is not fit to be playing the fill-in role of courtesy officer and that he needs to know that his bad mood / temper tantrums will only be tolerated for so long as they are impeding on the rights and moods of other residents.

... and a little crappier

So I heard about this 40 oz. bottle of Bud Light that has the power to turn people into total assholes. Kacie's downstairs neighbor, Tigger, had the audacity to approach her and "be straight up" (which usually comes off as asshole-ish) about the fact that he had found this 40 oz. beer bottle in his dojo the following afternoon. Let me tell you about this guy, Tigger... he is an unemployed 30-something who recently assaulted a minor and his mother in front of multiple witnesses at the Audubon Downs pool. He has been a resident of Audubon Downs for a long time now (probably close to 10 years) so he naturally feels that his seniority is more important than anything brought to the table by us new residents.

So the fact is that yes, the bottle was probably placed and/or destroyed there as a result of the party, but under no circumstances should Tigger be the person to approach a new resident in order to let there be a better understanding of the ways and expectations of living in the community. I do believe one is responsible for cleaning up the mess left behind by guests and I know that had Kacie, Abby or myself known about this infarction, it would have been cleaned up promptly. One thing is important in getting things done, though, and it is called courtesy. Another thing is called taking progressive measures. Since this was the first offense, the courteous thing to do would have been to inform the responsible party in a nice way (especially nice in this circumstance because the bottle was found about 30 to 40 feet away from where Kacie or Abby typically walk, therefore out of the range of which they should be held strictly responsible. The first offense should have been "punished" by way of a reminder so that we can know what to look out for next time. Furthermore, the delivery of such a message should have been by somebody who has a way with people, aka a "people person", aka not Tigger.

Anyways, everybody drinks freaking Bud Light, but I guess it's only fair to pin the blame on our party / guests because it was quite a large (but still controlled) party. We all had a great time, statistics would have predicted a bottle being left somewhere proximal to the party, and Tigger is an immature prick.

Crappy night

Today I got my work review for this month (my first) at Wild Oats / Whole Foods and was actually rated excellent on most of the criterion and above standard and all the rest. So I was happy about that and rather surprised actually. After a certain point I just got very tired and especially was not looking forward to closing the deli by myself. It sucks because you cannot start closing the deli until fifteen minutes before the store closes and then you get an hour after closing to have it all done. The neat freak that I am, I like things to be organized not for the sake of organization, but for the sake of food safety and also cutting down on unnecessary costs like having two separate containers of the same food item in which only one will be tracked down and used until finally somebody finds the second container two days after it has expired (stinky). I can see that if I were to stay, I may become an assistant manager of the department because of the amount of thought I invest in efficiency and profit for the department, but I still think I will be leaving Wild Oats at the end of the summer to just work at the computer lab. Ramble on.

So, yeah, I was really tired and just wanted to hit the easy button tonight. It took me forever to close the deli (first time so far), but my managers were pretty cool about it. A good group of people there, I tell ya. By the way, I've had a bit to drink and the neighbors are jogging so I'm needing to talk to my blog, I guess. I ran this afternoon and I felt GREAT upon arriving to work and about 2/3 through my shift (ya know, until I became Mr. Lethargo) So, I came home in a sour mood to begin with and found that my puppy, Rico, had rendered my CamelBak completely useless. It's only $40, but I get attached to weird things like that. I was at my healthiest about two months after I got that CamelBak... good times. I really was super healthy. Resting heart rate of about 45 bpm and and VO2MAX of about 66 ml/kg/min. Blood pressure was sweet too, I just forgot the numbers. Ramble on.

So I have to work at the campus job 8a - 1p then Wild Oats from 3p - 11p. What's weird is that the double days are easier than just working 3p-11p. Energy is so weird. Alright, I'm done.

Lower class = Military might?

So in Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead, General Cummings is a pretty insightful fellow.

"Well, then, follow me out in this. And you're going to have to take my word, for I've made a study. When I was your age, a little older, the type of thing that preoccupied me was what makes a nation fight well."
"I imagine it would be a king of identity between the people and the country whether it's for good reasons or bad."
The General shook his head. "That's a liberal historian's attitude. You'd be surprised what a tiny factor that is." The lamp was beginning to sputter and he reached over to adjust the valve, his face lit rather dramatically for a moment by the light source beneath his chin. "There are just two main elements. A nation fights well in proportion to the amount of men and materials it has. And the other equation is that the individual soldier in that army is a more effective soldier the poorer his standard of living has been in the past."

Neat.

Computer lab

Sitting in the computer lab trying to start working in the computer lab. Computer lab job; this would be cool. Apparently there are going to be 120 desktop computers and 50 laptops for checkout this fall at the new University Center that they are still building. That would involve quite a bit of battery charging / checking in / checking out! They said they will need more than two lab attendants on hand at a time, but I hope the number is at least four for something like that. I got a card from a St. Jude volunteer so maybe I'll do that a little bit this summer so I look awesome on paper.

Oi!

Man, I hate waiting for a job. I would not hate it so much if it weren't for the fact that if I don't get a job soon, I'll have to do a credit card cash advance (high interest) to pay rent. I knew that getting a one-bedroom apartment was a bad idea. Also, I can't pay my traffic ticket (for the U-turn) online for some reason and the office that you call to pay by phone closed at 4:30 (it's 8:13). So, my ass better wake up and call them when they open at 8:00 am, because my court appearance is scheduled for 9:00 am and I don't want to waste time in court and pay court fees on top of what I'm sure is a horrendous traffic violation fee already.

I guess you can see from my distressed writing that I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I've been eating just bad stuff (ice cream, cheese dip, pizza, ranch dressing on anything, you name it). Stress does this to me, but I'm allowing it to do it and shouldn't. I guess there is one good thing; that I didn't run out of money DURING school. That would have just been nuts. Alright now to correct this test, my final assignment of the semester!

One bummer

Well, I guess there's one thing that I like more about LiveJournal... the option to make an entry private, though I guess the most private entry is in a hand-written journal. Oi vey. (sp?)

Tennessee Senate updates

Crap! I looks like I won't be able to carry a flask in my car. I'm not sure how the new law reads, but I think they are doing away with the "open container loophole" in Tennessee. Senator Beverly Marrero was violently against this, which I was proud of. It will take a LONG time to get Tennesseans to quit drinking in their cars! Really, it will just add to the taxing of the poor for being poor because, like Marrero said, the rich can still get as drunk as they want in their limos. I am against drinking in the car, but I just don't see this law doing anything positive. Also, they added an additional $250 to the already high ($2,000) fine for a DUI. Proposed by Sen. Raymond Finney, this is yet another law that will not do anything but further hinder the poor. Who gets charged far more often upon conviction of a DUI? The poor. Who could go to jail if they cannot fork up an extra $2,250 in a year's time? The poor. I want to see some good laws proposed. Oh yeah, I'm also not sure about the terms of this law, but the republicans were trying so hard to pass this law against abortion even though the TN Constitution might be amended soon in a way that would render this law useless. These guys ALWAYS say "If it could save one life... just one life... why would you not pass it?!?" Moral highchairs! Upidste!

Huperzine thoughts

http://grande.nal.usda.gov/ibids/index.php?mode2=detail&origin=ibids_references&therow=35543

Too much huperzine = schizophrenic symptoms; be careful. Just use it once a day. This pretty much ruined 3 of the 4 study days I had that were critical for my organic chemistry exam. I was attributed my symptoms to my car wreck, but I'm pretty sure it was just too much huperzine, or rather taking it many more than 3 times a day. It just builds up, I guess. The half-life of it is 4 hours, so it seems rather odd that it would build up so quickly, but I guess it does. This stuff works, but just use it once a day, maybe twice a day max.

After reading that I just had too much choline built up, I also read that anti-cholinergics (of which benadryl is one) help alleviate these symptoms. What do you know?! After I came back home, I took a benadryl and within an hour I felt GREAT. Normal is so awesome after not feeling yourself for a couple days. Jeez I'm glad I'm not schizophrenic, man. Click that link and look up the definitions for some of the symptoms... alogia - The inability to speak because of mental deficiency, mental confusion, or aphasia. I definitely felt this to a degree, not being able to verbalize the way I felt. I'm gonna stick with good ol' coffee for the next couple days then go back to a low-ass dose of huperzine right before I do some cramming! Good luck on finals and wish me luck; I will need it!

Help for finals

These herbs will improve your memory like crazy! Seriously, you should give them a shot if you're feeling a little under-prepared for finals (like me), heh. Oh, and you won't be going through a depression like the adderall kids do!

Huperzine A: I take 50 mg every 2 hours when I'm studying hardcore or just really needing to get things done. Half-life is about 4 hours and can leave you feeling kind of dumb for a half hour or so.

Galantamine: I take 4 mg usually just once in a day because it has an 8 hour half-life.

Dosage is tricky. Too little = nothing. Too much = depression symptoms, not cool. I currently take the huperzine because the galantamine I have is in 8 mg form and I'm too lazy to break it open; plus I once took the 8 mg galantamine on an empty stomach and felt like absolute shit for 8 hours; 2 of which were in the bathroom. I don't know why, but it's pretty important to take these with some food; or at least it is for me to, heh.

Huperzine: GNC $14.99
Galantamine: search for Galantamind on the net (google.com/shopping) $28 or so.








Also, remember for you crazy people out there, there is always the pharma route where you can buy Aricept (donezepil), Memantine, or Exelon (rivastigmine). These are Alzheimer's drugs and Exelon is even available in a trans-dermal patch form.

Half-lives of the pharma drugs:

Aricept: 70 hours (almost 3 days)
Memantine: 60 - 100 hours (2.5 to 4 days)
Exelon: 1.5 hours (patch - 24 hours)

I looked up prices for these from indian pharms and they come to:
Aricept: $ 77 for 50 x 10mg = around $0.77 per day
Memantine $180 for 50 x 10mg = around $1.14 per day
Exelon: $ 38 for 50 x 6 mg = around $0.76 per day (not sure about patch)

I thought about doing one of these, but have had good luck with the huperzine. I bet there are some people out there taking this stuff that don't have Alzheimer's though, and I bet they don't forget much, but I also think they might experience significant down-regulation of their nicotinic acetylcholine receptors because of the huge half-lives. Though it may be a tad bit unethical to use the pharma without having Alzheimer's, it's a way lesser offense than all these college kids absolutely abusing adderall and such.

Memphis Tigers

The Memphis Tigers are the true 2008 NCAA Champions. They really brought this city together for a brief moment of peace, kindness, and hope. Though we lost, I do not think the feelings will be forgotten as almost every Memphian sat on the edge of their seat or stood frigid watching the last moments of the game and realized it would not end in our favor. We are all in the same place, Memphis. We all feel a little sad, but we are not alone. It was not just the sports buffs or college kids; it was all of Memphis. It really felt like we needed to win this tournament, but I think that we should all take a step back and realize that Memphis really made itself a moment to remember when we were all united so effortlessly.

Keep your heads up, Memphis. We have shown ourselves capable of a great thing and keeping it up through the hard times is the ultimate test. Let us not allow what some men call a defeat actually defeat us.

Fingers crossed

Jeez, this game is nerve-wrenching, but that Pontiac G8 commercial was one of the funniest commercials ever AND it was a car commercial. Awesome.

I miss playing basketball, hah. I was good at stealing and three-point shots about 12 years ago! Anybody up for a lil' one on one or two on two?!?

Where will we be in twenty years?

What I hate about the whole Democratic Peace Theory is that it will almost insure that in 50 or 60 years, Bush will be revered as some sort of visionary just like the once despised Harry Truman. Perhaps the hysteria resulting from MAD to MAS with "Star Wars", we will create a Cold War II and Russia (with China's help) can start to make everyone believe that the world could use a little more socialism instead of a lot more capitalism!

If only it were that simple. The unpredictability of the Islamic states would make the world during Cold War II far less stable than during Cold War I. As soon as the "Star Wars" system is operational in the 27 or so countries we will share the technology with, Iran will likely be allowed to enrich uranium all it wants. If not allowed, there will still be a major incentive for countries to make secret alliances with non-state members or terrorist groups and create a system to deliver tactical nuclear attacks (suit-case nukes) if they think it necessary. So, there will no longer be any worry about somebody pushing the big red button, it will be somebody carrying a suitcase! The hysteria will build, privacy rights of Americans will be violated to an even further extreme all until World War III breaks out and destroys everybody without a bunker and a 10 years supply of canned food! Woohoo!

Bittersweet

Thursday April 3rd, 2008 - 3:31 p.m. - Bittersweet


Well, yesterday was as the subject implies... bittersweet. Not too much to talk about during the day except that I have to make a 3 ft by 4 ft poster board for a statistics research project due this coming Monday. Bleh; weekends have definitely evolved from times of a escape to times of punishment for those of us who lack good time-management skills. Actually, all my teachers have piled on stuff for next week; announcing test dates that are very soon, announcing a BIG-ASS project, and assigning journal responses to lengthy short stories! So, all these unexpected things in addition to the already scheduled stuff like other tests and online homeworks that take forever; I'll be having a lot of fun hah. One thing I am thankful for is that organic chemistry does not have all these unexpected bits of work due and the next test isn't for about three weeks. Needless to say, I still have to put in about an hour or two a day of organic chemistry studying to secure a good grade on the ACS nationally standardized final and have been probably averaging 15 minutes a day! Doh!

If only I grew up in Collierville where I hear an insane proportion of the children have "learning disabilities." How odd that all these children with "learning disabilities" are straight-A students now at the high-school and college level. It's a miracle! Capitalism works! The wealth in that area has allowed them to discover a way to cure these poor rich kids of their debilitating "learning disability"! Not exactly. Actually, there is no cure because there is no medically significant problem. They just treat the symptoms with freaking SPEED! Yep, I'm on another rant about how much I hate adderall, but the theme needs to be tweaked (no pun intended) to include all the forms of ADHD medicines that are just relied on for artificial motivation and determination. There's no strong will to learn in these kids, it's all external; the drugs make them that way! There's no struggle, so there's no drive, so they don't pay attention. It's not that they can't, it's just they don't want to, but their parents want them to say they go to a pediatrician (who, in my opinion, has no right to diagnose this condition due to the massive over-diagnosis of ADHD) and get started on Adderall, Adderall XR, Ritalin, Concerta, Cylert, Dexedrine, Desoxyn (which IS actually METH!), and now the new ones like Vyvanse (time-released amphetamine pill, as in all day ridiculous drive to do everything that needs to be done) and Daytrana (a time-released Ritalin patch that actually has fewer side-effects, which translates into MORE PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADDICTIVE)!

So the parents are so happy that their kid gets better grades and the kid is so happy because they are making their parents happy! Yay! So great! So basically, once this kid gets doped up on speed for long enough, he develops these intense interests in subjects that he was not nearly as interested in in the first place. Then, across the train tracks, there's this other kid who is interested in the same subject quite naturally, but life does its magic and as he grows, time-management becomes an art that needs to be practiced in order to preserve its effectiveness. So, on one side you have a kid who pops a pill and does not even have to think about time-management because he's on auto-pilot from all the dopamine (motivation / reward / reinforcement) and norepinephrine (focus, attention to detail, physical strength/speed) that his little pill has caused to be released into the synapses of his brain. The OTHER kid does love the subject, but at times gets exhausted or just interested in other things. These are perfectly natural occurrences that have happened for all time prior to the invention, mass-production, and mass-distribution of speed for the poor little rich, unmotivated white kids.

Yes, many people stop taking ADHD medicine after finishing school, but what was the net effect of these little pills? It could have caused this person to get the job because his GPA was 0.1 points higher than this other person's because the ADHD person could put in so many more hours of auto-pilot study time because, miraculously, if you wake up tired, groggy, depressed, confused, or just a little bit "off", all you have to do is take the pill and all those silly things can go away. Normal people deal with life as it is; "ADHD kids" are given a much larger capacity to succeed then they should. This disparity in almost a mirror of the state of our health-care with respect to race; how such a higher proportion of lower-class people are in poor health. The poor remain poor and go through life without speed; though interestingly enough, poor white communities have the worst meth problems. Hmm, so everybody thinks meth is the devil's drug and so on, but the FDA gets to say who gets to become a legal addict and who doesn't.

Many people that are aware of the wide-spread abuse of ADHD medicine will go to the doctor and fake ADD/ADHD symptoms to get the medicine. This is a gray area with me because it kind of reminds of trying to solve problems of violence with more violence which just doesn't work in the long run, but these people know that other people are doing it to get ahead and this is a dog eat dog world so you better strike the iron while it's hot. So you go to the doctor and stuff and blah blah blah act like you don't even know what's going on because you're such a freaking bad case of ADHD that you don't know how you'd function without some help from the Messiah's prescription pad and the golden DEA number that allows the pharmacy to give you a known drug of abuse. Problems arise: You must exhibit the symptoms (of course), and you must also seem like someone that does not abuse or SELL drugs. Hmm, who sells drugs? Oh yeah! Black people and mexicans! Who can get into trouble if they are caught writing prescriptions to someone who sells the drugs? The doctor! So, who has a natural tendency to be racist and discriminatory in the midst of protecting their job? Right, the doctor! (You're getting pretty good at this, I might add) Who has the money? White people. Who wants the money? Everybody. Who wants the drugs? Everybody. Who can get the drugs you go to prison for? Minorities. Who wants to go to jail? Nobody. Who actually goes to jail if they are caught with illegal drugs because they can't afford a fancy lawyer? Minorities AND all poor people; especially poor minorities. So now you see how there is much incentive to get your fix by going through the motions and buying into the ADHD phenomenon. You stay out of jail. You do everything that needs to be done, leaving plenty of time for fun and games, and you don't have to be associated with those nasty blacks and those dirty mexicans to feel high. So now you feel morally superior because you don't go down on the corner and buy drugs like all those evil people do that like to feel good for some odd reason. You also feel intellectually and socially superior because you're climbing that corporate ladder so fast because your boss is so impressed with how much work you can get done in a day, and you'll argue a point into the ground because your ass is speeding so much that the only thing that matters at that moment is that you win and your brain just won't get tired and you won't get tired of arguing like the other guy who is simply leading a normal life and probably walking away thinking "Wow, that guy sure is something!" Nope, he's just a legal speed freak who is going to rule your world. He's going to rule your world because he got to a position of power by creating an unfair advantage for himself when he continued popping those pills.

There's such a huge market for this stuff, because it motivates people. Well, I guess I'm conservative in the way that I believe you should motivate yourself and not change the course of your life and consequently everyone else's life that you might have an effect on. Find what interests you; don't just go on auto-pilot! The world is going to be filled with people that reach these positions of power and influence in an area of study in which their heart may or may not truly lie. It's unsettling and now I'm feeling that normal human feeling of day-time tiredness because I don't pop speed pills. Wow, this entry looks like a speed freak who hates speed freaks or something, hah.

Anyways, the true point of this post was to say that the Quality Intern position at the Memphis Kelloggs has been scratched so my future employment status is in limbo. Ah yes, onto the good stuff; right before I read the e-mail from Kelloggs I had just went and seen Angela Davis speak at the Rose Theatre and it was amazing! The University of Memphis has a Podcast system (I didn't even know we participated in that!) and has an mp3 available of the speech! Here's the mp3 link: Angela Davis - episode recorded 04/02/08. A lot of what she talked about influenced some of what I wrote today I guess; particularly about non-violence and prisons. So that's the reason I called this bittersweet. Awesome lecture followed by financial uncertainty. Alright, well that's about a five-page paper! I guess I am warmed up to go ahead and read "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and write a response to it. Either I'll be warmed up or my brain will just be goo, hah. Just in case, might you spare an adderall? Haha. Goodbye peasants!

Memory

(This is a recent post from my LiveJournal @ http://jerster.livejournal.com) I've decided to switch to Blogger because I want to be more involved in some type of community (online, local, online/local hybrid) and LiveJournal simply isn't the cat's meow for such things anymore. So my first two posts on here will be my two most recent posts of my LiveJournal.

Wednesday, April 2nd 2008 - 10:32 a.m. - Memory


I can now see why so many people dread taking biochemistry. We just touched on the subject today in my organic chemistry lecture and wow; so much information all at once.

I am starting to believe that I don't have a good memory, but have come up with reasons to explain the way I feel and how that it is not completely correct. To stop panic attacks and to go to sleep I take medicines that that have amnesic effects because they affect short-term memory to a moderate extent. Nowhere near as much as a drunken blackout, but just enough to where it causes me to stop attributing the memory loss to an event (or substance) and start to think that it is just me or what I've become.

I believe the potential is there for me to learn large amounts of information in little time, but my habits just do not leave me in a state conducive to that. It's not my medicine. It's not my lack of sleep. It's not the alcohol. Though all of these are contributing factors, the major problem is the lack of forming a habit conducive to learning. Homework, practice, re-writing what is in the textbook, joining a study group; these are all the things that need to be going on. What goes on now? Right. None of these. Time-management is my problem and I want to fix it. Motivation... What of it? Maybe money is a motivator for some and it could be for me, but I fall into a class that allows me to neither feel the pain of hunger in poverty nor the supposed comfort of independence in wealth. This middle-class is comfortable I guess, so where is the motivation to escape it?

Ah hah! Staying stagnant in the middle-class leads to poverty. In a welfare state, poverty can even become comfortable. I now see the problem with a welfare state. My apologies for the digression. I do not want to slip into poverty because I would probably not be comfortable there since my life thus far has been in the middle-class. I have to work to stay in the middle-class. Translation: I have to be motivated to stay in the middle-class. Substitution: I have to be motivated to make money. Oops, here we are again. Where does the motivation to make money for the future come from if there is no motivation to escape the middle-class?

One thing is for sure. Motivation is easier to obtain when you are happier. You do not have to be ecstatic; just happier. Lower the stress WITHOUT medicine (hypocritical I know, but I'm getting better). Write! My english class was cancelled and I was feeling overwhelmed by the organic chemistry lecture I just left, so I had time to do something. I was thinking about how bad my memory seems compared to a few years ago (when, I might add, it was almost photographic), then I sequed into my low motivation. I was being a child and blaming my bad attributes on other things at first, then evolved ever so slightly into feeling better, more hopeful about my situation. So, I just turned two negative, practically melancholic feelings into slightly positive feelings. If I can do this more often, then this could be just what I need. Though that involves my major obstacle of forming habits (good ones, at least), this time it seems a bit exceptional. I'm typing to myself, but it's helping. Maybe someone else will read it and do more than say "Oh kay..."